I don't now if you've studied Buddhism or Stoicism, but you've got one of the lessons of both in this post. Basically, don't get caught up in the things that you can't control. The more you get vested in those things, the more likely you will end up unhappy. I'm not sure how or why (maybe meditation?), but I've definitely moved in that direction. It's helpful.
I have read up on Buddhist and Stoic philosophy. It's one thing to understand the tenets and another thing to feel them. I'm not sure what could help me move in this direction or whether I have already started naturally.
I would guess the Calm meditation app helped me, since that subject is often used in the guided meditations. Now that I think about it, the whole idea of trying to separate your emotions from your rational mind and then examining them is a part of many meditation traditions. I try to do that regularly as part of my meditation practice. That has probably helped more than anything. The nice thing about it is that you can still experience emotions, but it makes it easier to deal with the negative ones.
My personal experience re: moving someplace you might not be accepted. I moved to Albuquerque, NM in 1994. I had a really hard time fitting in and finding friends and subsequently ended up moving. I think Albuquerque is a lot different now, but at that time, it seemed like people in NM did not like newcomers or outsiders. It was very hard for me to be in such an unfriendly environment and to feel so unwanted. I'm now living in Bend, OR. After only 1 1/2 years, I have more friends here in Bend in a short amount of time than all my years in the SF Bay Area. Which is a good thing, as my husband passed away last month. I'm so thankful that I have community here. Everyone is different, but I do think the people and their attitude about newcomers is something to thoroughly consider.
It's likely something I'll have a difficult time with no matter where I could live in Switzerland, but especially if we move to the rural, conservative areas where I would like to live. Xenophobia is real and pervasive. I tend to think I could weather it because I'm already deep on the introvert spectrum and prefer to be left alone, because I have strong long-distance relationships with friends all over the globe that I *could* work harder to nurture, and because I have a strong relationship with my mom and sisters that I already maintain from a distance, albeit a much smaller distance right now.
Beat and I have lived in Boulder for nearly 9 years, and admittedly we have not made many local friends. Friends come and go, as usual, and we live in the foothills and generally keep to ourselves. If we were more open to joining running clubs and attending social events, we would have met more people locally. Beat seems to make a new friend every time he runs a race ... I remind him of this when he complains that we don't have friends. You need to go out and make an effort to meet people.
When I moved to Missoula in 2010 while single and knowing nobody, I uncomfortably put myself out there: Joined a meet-up group of mountain bike ladies, joined a Thursday Night mountain bike ride, and went on friend dates set up by my extreme extrovert friend in Banff. I met lifelong friends this way — I lived in Missoula for 10 months and still have the closest bonds with a couple of the people I met there. I feel like I could do the same in Switzerland, but I won't know until I try it.
I mean, hate is a strong word. It isn't easy to feel good when my international friends are all side-eyeing me suspiciously and my Canadian friends are fully, justifiably WTF.
I don't now if you've studied Buddhism or Stoicism, but you've got one of the lessons of both in this post. Basically, don't get caught up in the things that you can't control. The more you get vested in those things, the more likely you will end up unhappy. I'm not sure how or why (maybe meditation?), but I've definitely moved in that direction. It's helpful.
I have read up on Buddhist and Stoic philosophy. It's one thing to understand the tenets and another thing to feel them. I'm not sure what could help me move in this direction or whether I have already started naturally.
I would guess the Calm meditation app helped me, since that subject is often used in the guided meditations. Now that I think about it, the whole idea of trying to separate your emotions from your rational mind and then examining them is a part of many meditation traditions. I try to do that regularly as part of my meditation practice. That has probably helped more than anything. The nice thing about it is that you can still experience emotions, but it makes it easier to deal with the negative ones.
Very good post,touching on many topics that are pressing on us here in Seattle. Thanks 🙏🏻
My personal experience re: moving someplace you might not be accepted. I moved to Albuquerque, NM in 1994. I had a really hard time fitting in and finding friends and subsequently ended up moving. I think Albuquerque is a lot different now, but at that time, it seemed like people in NM did not like newcomers or outsiders. It was very hard for me to be in such an unfriendly environment and to feel so unwanted. I'm now living in Bend, OR. After only 1 1/2 years, I have more friends here in Bend in a short amount of time than all my years in the SF Bay Area. Which is a good thing, as my husband passed away last month. I'm so thankful that I have community here. Everyone is different, but I do think the people and their attitude about newcomers is something to thoroughly consider.
It's likely something I'll have a difficult time with no matter where I could live in Switzerland, but especially if we move to the rural, conservative areas where I would like to live. Xenophobia is real and pervasive. I tend to think I could weather it because I'm already deep on the introvert spectrum and prefer to be left alone, because I have strong long-distance relationships with friends all over the globe that I *could* work harder to nurture, and because I have a strong relationship with my mom and sisters that I already maintain from a distance, albeit a much smaller distance right now.
Beat and I have lived in Boulder for nearly 9 years, and admittedly we have not made many local friends. Friends come and go, as usual, and we live in the foothills and generally keep to ourselves. If we were more open to joining running clubs and attending social events, we would have met more people locally. Beat seems to make a new friend every time he runs a race ... I remind him of this when he complains that we don't have friends. You need to go out and make an effort to meet people.
When I moved to Missoula in 2010 while single and knowing nobody, I uncomfortably put myself out there: Joined a meet-up group of mountain bike ladies, joined a Thursday Night mountain bike ride, and went on friend dates set up by my extreme extrovert friend in Banff. I met lifelong friends this way — I lived in Missoula for 10 months and still have the closest bonds with a couple of the people I met there. I feel like I could do the same in Switzerland, but I won't know until I try it.
You hate yourself because you’re an American? Your joking right?
I mean, hate is a strong word. It isn't easy to feel good when my international friends are all side-eyeing me suspiciously and my Canadian friends are fully, justifiably WTF.