Thinking back (contented) of who I was and what I did and how it shaped who I am and what I do today....even now being pushed off the path I envisioned this past winter by unforseen strong winds of life I still find moments of sublime. Growing older, comes a personal wisdom of self. Could i discover those moments in any other way? Would I even notice, would there be any meaning? Life is a gift, we just have to see it.
I'm glad you're finding peace with this inevitable change. I had to chuckle at this line “Perhaps racing has no meaning or purpose, therefore I am free to create my own meaning and purpose.” The philosopher in me cries, "of course racing has no inherent meaning or purpose. It has only the meaning and purpose we give to it." But that's true for just about everything. Unless you believe in some outside force -- God or whatever -- that bestows meaning and purpose on you, then it's up to you to create your own meaning and purpose. For me that realization created great unease, but eventually I have embraced it and find a lot of comfort in it. But it doesn't mean it still can't cause problems. That realization gave me a lot of power (within my own space), but "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." And that can be daunting.
Bravo Jill! This race seems insane compared to the 100s I run, but I could relate a great deal to your feelings of aging and fading (I’m turning 55!) and especially this experience: “Again, my ego returned to stomp all over me. It chided me for being slow and somehow convinced me that flowing freely through this incredible landscape wasn’t enough.”
Congratulate yourself not just on finishing, but on showing up.
Great essay!
Thinking back (contented) of who I was and what I did and how it shaped who I am and what I do today....even now being pushed off the path I envisioned this past winter by unforseen strong winds of life I still find moments of sublime. Growing older, comes a personal wisdom of self. Could i discover those moments in any other way? Would I even notice, would there be any meaning? Life is a gift, we just have to see it.
Your trail, sky, night, moon & Auroras description are un-matched.
It HURTS not to read your tales.
I'm glad you're finding peace with this inevitable change. I had to chuckle at this line “Perhaps racing has no meaning or purpose, therefore I am free to create my own meaning and purpose.” The philosopher in me cries, "of course racing has no inherent meaning or purpose. It has only the meaning and purpose we give to it." But that's true for just about everything. Unless you believe in some outside force -- God or whatever -- that bestows meaning and purpose on you, then it's up to you to create your own meaning and purpose. For me that realization created great unease, but eventually I have embraced it and find a lot of comfort in it. But it doesn't mean it still can't cause problems. That realization gave me a lot of power (within my own space), but "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." And that can be daunting.
Bravo Jill! This race seems insane compared to the 100s I run, but I could relate a great deal to your feelings of aging and fading (I’m turning 55!) and especially this experience: “Again, my ego returned to stomp all over me. It chided me for being slow and somehow convinced me that flowing freely through this incredible landscape wasn’t enough.”
Congratulate yourself not just on finishing, but on showing up.
That was beautifully written and very inspirational, thank you!!