Ahh, this reminds me so much of a breakup with a hiking partner on the PCT, though with much less danger and suffering. I have long thought that as individuals we seek hard and unnecessary things, such as thru hiking, because we have such cushy lives, yet there's ancestral memory of hardship and risk. And our bones and hearts yearn inexplicably for this.
I feel mildly angry that the race organizers, knowing the remoteness and lack of resources on this route, didn't have more and better stocked aid stations. I'm not talking about a cushy experience but a safe experience. This sounds negligent on their part. That said, life is tenuous at best, and this sounds like stepping and peering into the abyss. I'd love to hear more what you feel you learned from this.
I’ve done some semi-hard-core things, but nothing like this. I’m impressed by what your mind convinced your body to do, or maybe it was your body flexing its survival instinct? I’ve been there to a much lesser degree, and I can’t even imagine the intensity and trauma of your experience. Once I’d completed my bucket-list goals, I basically stopped doing that stuff. I don’t think I ever actually enjoyed it, aside from the pride and satisfaction of completing it. I pushed myself to a very unhealthy place mentally and emotionally. You’ve written about this experience so beautifully and insightfully. Thank you for sharing!
What a beautifully written account of a complex human experience. I have my own versions of this kind of thing, albeit not as extreme. Glad you got this story out.
Wow. Just wow. I knew PTL had been a traumatic experience for you but this post really highlights the depth of challenges you faced. That you made it as far as you did with such hurdles is a testament to your ability to endure more than I could ever imagine. I know much has been written about group dynamics in wilderness settings and the group circumstances you navigated seem like they were so much more challenging than the ridiculous course itself. Thanks for sharing this experience- I’m sure that wasn’t pleasant to revisit (and watching Beat return to such insanity year after year (!) would just add a whole other mental wrench to it 🫠).
I'm catching up on reading your posts as, this summer, I was often in a place without an internet connection. I remember reading your account of the PTL back when you first wrote about it. Your vivid description here sends chills up my spine imagining, again, what you went through. It's easy to understand why you're still working through that trauma.
What a vivid account of an incredibly hard event of your life. I had kind of a knee-jerk gut reaction of wondering why you made some illogical choices, but then I immediately reminded myself of some illogical decisions I've made while sleep-deprived. A brain needs rest. You are very brave to write about this event. I hope it helps to write about it.
Ahh, this reminds me so much of a breakup with a hiking partner on the PCT, though with much less danger and suffering. I have long thought that as individuals we seek hard and unnecessary things, such as thru hiking, because we have such cushy lives, yet there's ancestral memory of hardship and risk. And our bones and hearts yearn inexplicably for this.
I feel mildly angry that the race organizers, knowing the remoteness and lack of resources on this route, didn't have more and better stocked aid stations. I'm not talking about a cushy experience but a safe experience. This sounds negligent on their part. That said, life is tenuous at best, and this sounds like stepping and peering into the abyss. I'd love to hear more what you feel you learned from this.
This. I was stunned to read that, even for 2013 they knew better.
I’ve done some semi-hard-core things, but nothing like this. I’m impressed by what your mind convinced your body to do, or maybe it was your body flexing its survival instinct? I’ve been there to a much lesser degree, and I can’t even imagine the intensity and trauma of your experience. Once I’d completed my bucket-list goals, I basically stopped doing that stuff. I don’t think I ever actually enjoyed it, aside from the pride and satisfaction of completing it. I pushed myself to a very unhealthy place mentally and emotionally. You’ve written about this experience so beautifully and insightfully. Thank you for sharing!
That sounds so traumatic. Thank you for sharing your experience. It must be hard to relive it enough to write about it but I'm so glad you did.
What a beautifully written account of a complex human experience. I have my own versions of this kind of thing, albeit not as extreme. Glad you got this story out.
This sounds truly awful. I’m traumatized too now.
PTL is so next level gnarly. You are amazing 🤩
Wow. Just wow. I knew PTL had been a traumatic experience for you but this post really highlights the depth of challenges you faced. That you made it as far as you did with such hurdles is a testament to your ability to endure more than I could ever imagine. I know much has been written about group dynamics in wilderness settings and the group circumstances you navigated seem like they were so much more challenging than the ridiculous course itself. Thanks for sharing this experience- I’m sure that wasn’t pleasant to revisit (and watching Beat return to such insanity year after year (!) would just add a whole other mental wrench to it 🫠).
Wow I actually felt unwell reading this. You’re poor starved sleep deprived body. Ooof
I'm catching up on reading your posts as, this summer, I was often in a place without an internet connection. I remember reading your account of the PTL back when you first wrote about it. Your vivid description here sends chills up my spine imagining, again, what you went through. It's easy to understand why you're still working through that trauma.
What a vivid account of an incredibly hard event of your life. I had kind of a knee-jerk gut reaction of wondering why you made some illogical choices, but then I immediately reminded myself of some illogical decisions I've made while sleep-deprived. A brain needs rest. You are very brave to write about this event. I hope it helps to write about it.
I’m pretty stressed out after reading this!